Hitchhikers
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The Primary Phase is the first phase of the original radio series The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, first broadcast in 1978.

Story Summary[]

Fit the First[]

As the episode opens Arthur Dent is attempting to prevent the local council, represented by Mr Prosser, from bulldozing his house to make way for a bypass. Dent's friend, Ford Prefect arrives and takes him to the pub. At the pub, Ford explains that he is not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse, and that the world is about to end. Arthur at first does not believe him, thinking that he must be drunk.

Meanwhile, Lady Cynthia Fitzmelton, a character unique to the radio series, has arrived at the site of Arthur Dent's house. She makes a speech about progress, and the future for the village of Cottington, and insults the residents in the process. She begins the construction of the bypass, and the demolition of Arthur Dent's house, by smashing a bottle of "very splendid and worthwhile" champagne against a yellow bulldozer. Ford and Arthur hear this, and Arthur races back to the former site of his house, Ford chasing after him after first buying some peanuts.

Shortly after Arthur and Ford return to the ruins of Arthur's house, a fleet of Vogon Constructor Ships arrives in the sky, and Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz broadcasts an announcement that they are to demolish the Earth to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Panic ensues. Ford uses his "Electronic Thumb" to hitch a lift onto one of the ships, taking Arthur with him, just moments before the Earth is destroyed.

On board the Vogon Constructor Ship, Ford explains that he was a field researcher for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and had been stuck on the Earth for several more years than he originally expected. The two are soon captured by the Vogons, who take an unfriendly view of hitchhikers.

The episode ends on a cliff-hanger, after the Vogon Captain tortures them by reading them some poetry, with them due to be thrown into space afterwards.

Fit the Second[]

After the initial narration, the episode opens with a recap of the cliffhanger with the Vogon captain demanding what Ford and Arthur thought of his poem. They attempt to flatter him and his poetry to avoid execution, but he decides to throw them off the ship anyway. Whilst being escorted to the airlock, Ford attempts to persuade the Vogon Guard to give up his job but fails.

The pair are cast out into space. Against all odds, they are rescued after 29 seconds, by a starship. After some more improbable events, they discover they have been picked up by the Starship Heart of Gold, which has been stolen by Ford's semi-cousin, and President of the Galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox. The Heart of Gold works on a basis of Infinite Improbability, allowing its drive to do anything for which the improbability factor is known.

Also on the Heart of Gold are Trillian (Tricia McMillan), whom Arthur met at a party in Islington before she left the party (and the planet) to go with Zaphod Beeblebrox, and Marvin, an extremely depressed android. The episode ends with a post-credit announcement from Eddie the Shipboard Computer that the ship is moving into orbit around the legendary planet of Magrathea.

The episode begins with a narration describing the significance of Magrathea, a planet that long long ago manufactured custom-designed planets for the galaxy's megarich. Due to its immense success, Magrathea became the richest planet in the galaxy and the galactic economy collapsed. Ford and Zaphod argue about the accuracy of this legend, Ford believing that it is nonsense, Zaphod believing he has found the long-lost planet.

As the ship orbits the planet, it triggers an automated recorded message, from the Commercial Council of Magrathea, that notes that Magrathea is currently closed for business, and to leave. A follow-up message announces that nuclear missiles will be launched against the ship.

The missiles are detected, and the crew struggle to get the Heart of Gold to escape the missiles. Disaster is averted when Arthur activates the Infinite Improbability Drive and the missiles are turned into a bowl of petunias and a very surprised-looking sperm whale. Trillian notes that her white mice (that she had taken with her from the Earth) have escaped.

The ship lands, and Ford, Arthur, Zaphod, Trillian and Marvin go onto the surface. (The episode, as released on CD, is edited here to avoid possible musical copyright concerns. ) They split up, and Zaphod, Trillian and Ford explore a tunnel, noting that they seem to be following the mice, whilst Arthur and Marvin are left on the surface as a lookout. Eventually, Slartibartfast comes to meet Arthur, and takes him into the interior of the planet, leaving Marvin behind. Inside Magrathea, he shows Arthur a planet that they are working on at the moment. Arthur recognises it as the Earth. Slartibartfast explains that the original Earth had been destroyed five minutes too early, and they are constructing a replacement. The original Earth had apparently been commissioned by some mice in order to find the "Ultimate Question."

Fit the Third[]

We begin with a narration describing the significance of Magrathea, a planet that long long ago manufactured custom-designed planets for the galaxy's megarich. Due to its immense success, Magrathea became the richest planet in the galaxy and the galactic economy collapsed. Ford and Zaphod argue about the accuracy of this legend, Ford believing that it is nonsense, Zaphod believing he has found the long-lost planet.

As the ship orbits the planet, it triggers an automated recorded message, from the Commercial Council of Magrathea, that notes that Magrathea is currently closed for business, and to leave. A follow-up message announces that nuclear missiles will be launched against the ship.

The missiles are detected, and the crew struggle to get the Heart of Gold to escape the missiles. Disaster is averted when Arthur activates the Infinite Improbability Drive and the missiles are turned into a bowl of petunias and a very surprised-looking sperm whale. Trillian notes that her white mice (that she had taken with her from the Earth) have escaped.

The ship lands, and Ford, Arthur, Zaphod, Trillian and Marvin go onto the surface. (The episode, as released on CD, is edited here to avoid possible musical copyright concerns. ) They split up, and Zaphod, Trillian and Ford explore a tunnel, noting that they seem to be following the mice, whilst Arthur and Marvin are left on the surface as a lookout. Eventually, Slartibartfast comes to meet Arthur, and takes him into the interior of the planet, leaving Marvin behind. Inside Magrathea, he shows Arthur a planet that they are working on at the moment. Arthur recognises it as the Earth. Slartibartfast explains that the original Earth had been destroyed five minutes too early, and they are constructing a replacement. The original Earth had apparently been commissioned by some mice in order to find the "Ultimate Question."

Fit the Fourth[]

Slartibartfast explains that mice are really "the protusions into our dimension of vast hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings", and that they commissioned the Earth to be built. He plays Arthur some recordings explaining the historical events. This race of pan-dimensional beings had constructed a great computer, called Deep Thought, to answer the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. It did, after seven million years, have the Answer to the Ultimate Question, a rather disappointing 42. Deep Thought explains that this is only disappointing because they never really understood what the Question was. They ask the computer if he can find out what the Ultimate Question is. Deep Thought cannot, but promises to design a computer that can, and names it, "Earth".

Slartibartfast explains that this computer was built by the Magratheans, and that the Vogons came and destroyed it five minutes before it was due to complete its run. The mice summon Arthur and Slartibartfast to a meeting room, where they have discussed a proposal with Zaphod, Ford and Trillian. The mice believe that as last-generation products of the computer matrix, Arthur and Trillian should be in an ideal position to find out the Question, and offer to make them "extremely rich" if they can do so. (In later versions this would be replaced with the mice wishing to extract Arthur's brain). The negotiations are interrupted by the arrival of a Galactic Police ship, pursuing Zaphod for his theft of the Heart of Gold.

The galactic police confront Arthur, Ford, Trillian and Zaphod, and shoot at them, whilst explaining that they find violence upsetting. After a particularly long volley of fire, the computer bank they are hiding behind explodes.

Fit the Fifth[]

Arthur, Ford, Trillian and Zaphod wake up in a strange place, and assume it must be the afterlife. It becomes apparent however that in fact it is Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, which is based in the far future at the exact moment that the universe ends. They dine, but are interrupted by a telephone call from Marvin. A waiter explains that the Restaurant was in fact constructed in the ruins of Magrathea. Meanwhile, Marvin has been waiting on the surface of the planet. After he whines somewhat, the four go down to the car park (where Marvin has been parking cars), and meet up with Marvin. Ford and Zaphod are transfixed by the spaceships in the carpark, and discover a totally black, totally frictionless ship. Stuck without the Heart of Gold, they decide to steal it, with Marvin's help.

When on the ship, they discover that it is out of control, and since the interior is also totally black none of the controls are discernible. They debate what the Question is, and Marvin reveals that he can read it in Arthur's brainwave patterns. Before he can reveal what it is, they are interrupted by the control panels lighting up suddenly and the ship coming out of hyperspace. They realise they are outside of the galaxy, and part of an intergalactic battle fleet.

Fit the Sixth[]

The episode opens with the main characters on the black ship. Soon, they receive a transmission from the second-in-command of the battle fleet, who makes a report to Zaphod, believing him to be the Admiral. This is considered confusing as Zaphod was just presumed to be the Admiral, despite bearing no resemblance to the second-in-command, who looked like a leopard.

Shortly afterwards, they receive another transmission, this time with Trillian in the chair. The second-in-command, who now looks like a shoebox, assumes that Trillian is the Admiral.

They look up the name "Haggunenon," spoken by the second-in-command, in the Guide, and discover that they are a race of xenophobic shape-shifters. They realise that the Admiral is in fact on the ship, but had shapeshifted. It becomes a "carbon copy" of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. The group split up, Arthur and Ford taking one escape capsule and Zaphod and Trillian attempting to take another.

Arthur notices that the other escape capsule is missing - thus the others are trapped on the Admiral's ship. Arthur presses a button in his escape capsule that ends up teleporting him and Ford to a strange spaceship. Meanwhile, Zaphod, Trillian and Marvin are all eaten by a copy of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, with Marvin's leg coming off in the process, and Zaphod's second head is revealed to know French (via an ad-lib by Mark Wing-Davey). This is the last appearance of the character of Trillian until the Tertiary Phase.

The spaceship to which Ford and Arthur have teleported, marked as "Golgafrincham Ark Fleet, Ship B," is filled with bodies, such as frozen telephone sanitizers, hairdressers, and advertising account executives. Whilst inspecting the bodies, they are captured by Number Two, the third-in-command of the ship, who takes them to the bridge.

Here, they meet the Captain (who is taking a bath in an immense bathtub in the bridge and has been for the last several years). He reluctantly grants permission to Number Two to interrogate Arthur and Ford and asks him to find out what they want to drink.

Conversing with the Captain, they discover that the bodies are not, as they believed, dead, but simply frozen. The Golgafrinchans are intending to colonise another planet because their original planet was "doomed." The "A Ark" was supposed to contain leaders, the "C Ark" to contain workers, and the "B Ark" to contain middle-men. It becomes apparent that the stories of impending doom were nonsense, and the A Ark and C Ark were never launched.

The story resumes some months later, with a meeting of the Colonisation Committee. Reports to the Committee include an update on the development of the wheel (it is unclear what colour it should be), and a documentary about the native cave-men of the planet, who have started to die out since the arrival of the Golgafrinchams.

Ford explains that they had done some research on the planet and that it will last only two million years (but not why - because it is the pre-history of the Earth, and is thus due to be destroyed by the Vogons in two million years' time).

Arthur attempts to teach the cave-men Scrabble, in order to try to stop the Golgafrinchams supplanting them. The cave-man spells out "FORTY TWO" on the scrabble board, and Ford and Arthur realise that the program must have gone wrong because of the arrival of the Golgafrinchams. They decide to use the same technique (of choosing scrabble letters) randomly to find out what the question in Arthur's brainwave patterns is, although it might be wrong anyway.

The question in his brain is revealed as "WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU MULTIPLY SIX BY NINE." The episode ends as they decide to rejoin the Golgafrincham colony, and lament the inevitable eventual destruction of the Earth.

Cast[]

Music[]

  • Fit the First
    • "Journey of the Sorcerer" from One of These Nights by The Eagles
    • "Lontano" from A Modern Mass for the Dead by György Ligeti
    • "A Rainbow in Curved Air" by Terry Riley
    • "Volumina" by György Ligeti
  • Fit the Second
    • "Wind on Water" from Evening Star by Fripp and Eno
    • "A Rainbow in Curved Air" by Terry Riley
    • "Poppy Nogood and the Phantom Band" by Terry Riley
    • "Cachuaca" by Patrick Moraz
  • Fit the Third
    • "Kotakomben" from Einsteig by Gruppe Between
    • "Space Theme" from Yamashta by Stomu Yamashta
    • "Oxygène" by Jean Michel Jarre
    • "That's Entertainment"
    • "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" by Pink Floyd*
    • "Rock and Roll Music" by The Beatles*
    • "Wind On Water" from Evening Star by Fripp and Eno
    • "Over Fire Island" from Another Green World by Fripp and Eno
  • Fit the Fourth
    • "A Rainbow in Curved Air" by Terry Riley
    • "Miracles of the Gods" from In Search of Ancient Gods by Absolute Everywhere
    • "Mikrophonie I" by Stockhausen
  • Fit the Fifth
    • "Melodien" by György Ligeti
    • "The Engulfed Cathedral" from Snowflakes are Dancing by Isao Tomita
    • "A Rainbow in Curved Air" by Terry Riley
    • "Wind and Water" from Evening Star by Fripp and Eno
  • Fit the Sixth
    • "Oxygène" by Jean Michel Jarre
    • "Volumina" by György Ligeti
    • "Volkstanz" from Einsteig by Gruppe Between
    • "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong

Notes[]

  • The story is divided into episodes called 'fits', taken from Lewis Carroll's Hunting of the Snark.
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