Vogon poetry is a variety of poetry, often considered to be one of the worst. It is sometimes used by the Vogons as a torture method, as it causes physical pain to the hearer. A notable example of this was when they tortured Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent after the Dentrassis let them hitchhike onto the ship.
According to the The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Vogon poetry is the third worst in the Universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria, and the worst is by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex, who perished along with her poetry during the destruction of Earth, ironically caused by the Vogons themselves. Vogon poetry is seen as mild by comparison.
An example of Vogon poetry
- Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
- Thy micturations are to me, (with big yawning)
- As plurdled gabbleblotchits, in midsummer morning
- On a lurgid bee,
- That mordiously hath blurted out,
- Its earted jurtles, grumbling
- Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer. [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
- Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,
- Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,
- And living glupules frart and stipulate,
- Like jowling meated liverslime,
- Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,
- And hooptiously drangle me,
- With crinkly bindlewurdles,mashurbitries.
- Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
- See if I don't!