Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz reading his poetry, as seen in the 1981 TV series.
Vogon poetry is a variety of poetry, often considered to be one of the worst in the universe, and often used by the Vogons as a torture method, as it causes physical pain to the hearer - it's that bad. A notable example of this was when they tortured Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent after the Dentrassis let them hitchhike onto the ship.
Description in the Hitchhiker's Guide
Grunthos the Flatulent, as seen in the 1981 TV series.
Vogon poetry is, of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning", four of the audience members died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own large intestine - in a desperate attempt to save life itself - leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.
An Example
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz reading his poetry, as seen in the film.
- Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
- Thy micturations are to me,(with big yawning)
- As plurdled gabbleblotchits,
- On a lurgid bee,
- That mordiously hath blurted out,
- Its earted jurtles, grumbling
- Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer. [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
- Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,
- Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,
- And living glupules frart and stipulate,
- Like jowling meated liverslime,
- Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,
- And hooptiously drangle me,
- With crinkly bindlewurdles,mashurbitries.
- Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
- See if I don't!
- (I probably won't!)
See Also If You Have To
Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings
Elsewhere
- Vogon poetry was used as a computer password by Dr. Guy Lafleur on Chuck.